Discovering me

2017, my new friend, hello.

This year, I want to fixate not on the number of followers I have on my super-high-aesthetic Instagram (okay, so maybe not super-high-aesthetic) or how many dates I go on or, perhaps the biggest one, how many A’s I earn.

This year, I want to do only one thing. I want to discover.

I want to discover the thousands of cultures that exist around me. I want to discover what a sunset looks like from atop a mountain, and I want to discover what it feels like to walk barefoot on soft, luscious sand (that isn’t about to be ravaged by a tropical storm). I want to discover the night, far from the light pollution of this fast-paced world. I want to discover the dawn as I wrap up in a blanket around a fire.

I want to breathe in the parts of this world that are still beautiful. I want to see—really see—through a lens not corrupted by my prejudices, sins and regrets. I want to discover what it’s like to really, truly be me.

I suppose you could say that, in 2017, I want to take a journey. It may not be finished on December 31. It will probably have barely gotten off the ground. But I want it more than ever.

I want to discover me.

At some point, everyone seems to ask the question “who am I?” Now it’s my turn.

Who am I when I’m truly alone? Who am I in the pits of despair? Who am I when I am surrounded by an irreducible, irrefutable, indescribable creation that was so lovingly knit together by the Creator who loves us enough to step into a broken history? Who am I when I encounter the biggest challenges or the biggest blessings the world has to offer me? Who am I when God calls my name? Who am I when I call His?

I’m already struck by the immense possibilities that this year brings. This isn’t about a “new year, new me” philosophy. I’m the same me that I was three days ago.

It’s about finally seeking out the parts of life that really matter. How can I ever shine a light in this world if I don’t even know what I’m made of?

Maybe I won’t get to experience all of the destination discoveries I hope for this year. I probably won’t. But, at the end of 2017, I hope that I will have discovered a little bit more of Nikki.

What is there to lose? Perhaps some followers on that super-high-aesthetic Instagram of mine. Or, perhaps, layers of me that were never meant to build up. It’s time to shed the weight of yesteryear.

2017, I can’t wait to discover with you.